How to Build an Emotional “Survival Tool Kit”

Feb 27

*Emotion regulation strategies for anxious, depressed, and neurodiverse minds learning to stay instead of shut down.*

Big feelings don’t wait for convenient timing. They show up before meetings or exams. During parenting moments. At 2 a.m. When you’re already exhausted. When your nervous system is overstimulated. When rejection stings. When grief ambushes you.

If you live with anxiety, depression, or a neurodivergent brain, you probably know this: emotional overwhelm isn’t a character flaw. It’s a nervous system response. And just like you’d keep a physical first aid kit for cuts and scrapes or a tool kit to safely complete an large task, you can build an emotional survival tool kit for moments when your feelings spike beyond your coping capacity.

As a therapist specializing in emotion regulation for anxious, depressed, and neurodiverse minds, I don’t aim to eliminate big feelings. I help clients build tools to move through them safely and skillfully.

Let’s come up with some ideas to help build yours.

What Is an Emotional First Aid Kit?

An emotional first aid kit is a pre-planned set of coping tools you can use when you’re overwhelmed, dysregulated, anxious, shut down, or spiraling. The key word is pre-planned. When your nervous system is activated, your thinking brain goes partially offline. You don’t want to invent coping strategies in that moment. It’s WAY too difficult. That’s like being asked to list all 50 of the United States in alphabetical order while being chased by a bear. Your brain (and body for that matter) has a top priority and information recall isn’t it. Because of this, we want something ready to go ahead of time.

Challenges we might need support item tools in our kit for can include things like:

Acute anxiety
Depressive shutdown
Sensory overload
Emotional flooding
Rejection sensitivity
Executive dysfunction spirals

Step 1: Know Your Emotional Patterns

Before building your kit, ask yourself:

Do I tend to become hyper-aroused (anxious, panicky, restless)?
Or hypo-aroused (numb, heavy, foggy, withdrawn)?
What triggers my biggest spikes?
How does dysregulation show up in my body?

An anxious nervous system may need grounding and containment. A depressed or shutdown nervous system may need gentle activation. A neurodivergent nervous system may need sensory regulation first — before cognitive coping. Your kit should match your specific patterns.

Step 2: Include Tools for Immediate Nervous System Regulation

When emotions surge, your body needs stabilization first. Regulation before reasoning.

For Anxiety & Emotional Flooding

Cold water on wrists or face
Placing an ice pack on the base of your neck and holding it for as long as possible
Humming a favorite song
Holding an ice cube in your hands until it fully melts.
Slow, extended exhales—square breathing (longer out-breath than in-breath)
Naming 5 things I can see-4 things I can touch-3 things I can hear-2 things I can smell-1 thing I can taste sensory details in the room around you
Wrapping up in a weighted blanket

For Depression & Shutdown

Standing outside for 2 minutes of sunlight
Gentle movement (stretching, pacing)
Playing one familiar, regulating song (humming is also helpful here)
Texting one safe person “I’m having a low moment.”

For Sensory Overload (common in neurodivergence)

Noise-canceling headphones
Dim lighting
A predictable sensory object (think smooth stone, fidget item, comforting fabric)
Leaving the overstimulating environment temporarily

Step 3: Add Cognitive Reframes (After the Surge Softens)

Once your nervous system settles slightly, then you can work with thoughts.

Include written reminders like:

“Feelings are intense but temporary.”
“I don’t have to solve everything tonight.”
“This is anxiety talking, not truth.”
“I’ve survived this wave before.”

When you’re anxious or depressed, your mind produces distorted thinking. A pre-written reframe somewhere visibly accessible prevents you from believing every thought in the moment.

Step 4: Include a Self-Compassion Script

Shame escalates dysregulation. Self-compassion isn’t indulgent. It’s regulating.

In your kit, write a short script you can read when you’re spiraling:

“This is a hard moment. My nervous system is overwhelmed. I’m not broken. I’m allowed to take this one step at a time.”

Step 5: Plan for Connection

Isolation fuels anxiety and depression. Having some premeditated ways to remove the barrier to reaching out can help interact with this.

Try to have:

One person you can text without over-explaining
A therapist or scheduled support space
A short “help message” saved in your notes that you can send to a predesignated person who you know is reliable and in your corner when you might need them. You might pre-write: “Hey, I’m not in crisis, but I’m having a hard emotional wave. Can you sit with me virtually for a few minutes?”

Step 6: Store It Accessibly

Your emotional first aid kit can be:

A physical box
A note in your phone
A printable card in your wallet
A folder labeled “When I’m Overwhelmed”

Don’t rely on memory. Rely on structure. Neurodivergent and anxious brains specifically benefit from visible, concrete systems.

What an Emotional First Aid Kit Is Not

It’s not suppression. It’s not toxic positivity. It’s not “just think happy thoughts.” It’s structured emotional regulation. You are not trying to eliminate grief, anxiety, anger, or sadness. You are learning to ride the wave without drowning. It allows space to validate and sit with the emotion while also effectively interacting with it’s emotional intensity as needed.

When to Seek Additional Support

Sometimes though, we simply might need additional support. If you find that your emotional overwhelm is:

Interferes with work or relationships
Includes panic attacks
Includes persistent hopelessness
Involves self-harm thoughts
Feels uncontrollable or escalating

Professional support matters. Therapy can help you tailor your emotional regulation tools in ways that honor your brain’s wiring and your specific life context.

Prepare in Calm, Use in Storm

It’s SUPER important to remember that the best time to build your emotional survival tool kit is when you feel relatively steady. This is because big feelings are part of being human — especially for anxious, depressed, and neurodiverse minds. Preparation is not pessimism. It’s not self-sabatoge. It’s self-respect. It’s preparing for a situation that may or will come when your brain and body might be too overstimulated to deal with it and finding strategies to navigate it effectively ahead of time. And when the next emotional wave hits, instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” You’ll be able to say, “I know what to do next.”

Disclaimer: This blog is for educational and informational purposes only. Engaging with this account is not therapy and nothing stated here should be taken as a replacement for therapy. Content here may or may not apply to you. If you are interested in learning more about therapy sessions with Emily, please reach out via email: emily@emilylewis.co or by phone: 682-334-3796.